First, write this down and paste it somewhere you see it every day: don`t take anything in person. So be careful when you take things in person. How do you know that happens when most of them are unconsciously? They`re triggered. You`re going to feel that inner thorn or run away and hide. Beware of shame, embarrassment or anger – these are good indications. They are not specific to customization, but are often related. It can be an email you receive, or a comment that someone makes you feel, ignored, misunderstood, not accepted, etc. Write these down in your diary without comment or judgment. Here, too, it is simply a matter of increasing their self-confidence. Use simple enumeration signs that write down what happened and how you customize. For example, if you don`t take it personally, you`re immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the midst of hell is the gift of this agreement. I think all four are equally important, this agreement has had the greatest impact on my life….
Personalization keeps your focus out of yourself, so it`s a good way to avoid your own feelings. It also works very well to confirm your own negative beliefs. In the restaurant scenario, you can confirm the belief that you are not important, that you do not matter or that you are invisible. In the sms scenario, this confirms your belief that you are supposed to be single or that they are not good enough or that you are supposed to be alone. You don`t realize it; It`s on autopilot. The first step is to note when it happens, so you can catch yourself right now and move your perspective. Perfectionism and personalization go hand in hand. If you`re still trying to avoid something “wrong,” any perceived criticism will get you out of the way.
You will think that your answer is about you. That`s how you get stuck, with a limited perspective on what`s possible. It is also a way to connect emotionally with others. For example, your neighbor makes a comment about your child, which you personalize immediately, and feels like a negative comment about your parenthood. Instead of looking more deeply at the emotions and beliefs that are under this uncertainty, just stop talking to him. People will do what they want and say what they want — you can`t control that. But you can control how you react. According to Ruiz, even if someone says something hurtful like “you`re fat” or “you can`t do anything right,” it still has nothing to do with you. It is a reflection of their own worldview and uncertainty. On the other hand, when someone says “you are wonderful and amazing,” it`s not about you either. You`re wonderful, you should come from within, not from what anyone else says. It`s the embodiment of not customizing.
Again, it`s never about you. Ruiz continues: “Whatever people do, feel, think or say, don`t take it personally… By taking things in person, you prepare not to suffer. And who wants to suffer for nothing? Fuck off. I used to personalize all the time. If someone asks for my advice and doesn`t accept it, I`ll get mad. At the time, I didn`t understand how someone in pain could continue to do what was detrimental to their emotional health. That`s because I didn`t see myself very well either. I couldn`t see how giving advice kept me away from others and emotionally away. On the whole, it was a pretty painful way of life — to expect others to do what I said and to be pissed when they do the opposite. I thought it was a reflection of me, but it was really in their place. This is the second chord of Don Miguel Ruiz`s classic,”The Four Accords.” Even if a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give correspond to the agreements they have in their own minds…
If you take things in person, you make easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can easily associate you with a small opinion and feed you, whatever they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it on… If you have
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